Saturday, March 5, 2011


Since this blog is all about MEMEMESHAMELESSSELFINDULGENCESLASHPROMOTIONOFME, and since I am grossly insecure, I will now list and detail (for the purposes of fortifying them in my memory) all the plastic surgery procedures I will one day have. Perfection is attainable if only you try.

1. Rhinoplasty- A shaving down of the bridge of the nose to create a more streamlined affect that matches better with my face. My face is super uneven because of my nose.
2. Have fat taken out of my checks to make my face less fleshy plus cheekbone implants
3. Turkey waddle reduction- suck the fat out of the underside of my chin. duh.
4. I don't know if there is some sort of procedure where they can make your eyes bigger, but if so that is totes on the list. My eyes are disgustingly small. Maybe a brow lift would do the trick?
5. Breast reduction- Big boobs are the grossest.
6. Somehow have fat sucked out of my upper chest so my collar bone protrudes more. I would like my upper body to look like a big coat hanger, thank you
7. Heavy duty liposuction. Even though every girl uses this excuse it really is true that we hold weight in our midsections easier and consequently they are the hardest places to lose extra lbs and tone.
7a. All over stomach lipo, including my flanks and just under my boobs
7b. Back lipo
7c. Lipo of my thighs and calves, especially where the ricotta cheese demon known as cellulite resides

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